11/23/2007

Economic Models Explained With Cows

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the

milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL

You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEWFOUNDLAND CORPORATION

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

11/15/2007

Spelling

     This has got to be one of the cleverest
    E-mails I've received in a while.

    Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
Scrabble.
    (Wait till you see the last one)!

    DORMITORY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    DIRTY ROOM

    PRESBYTERIAN:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    BEST IN PRAYER

    ASTRONOMER:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    MOON STARER

    DESPERATION:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    A ROPE ENDS IT

    THE EYES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    THEY SEE

    GEORGE BUSH:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    HE BUGS GORE


    GAUTENG:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    GET A GUN

    THE MORSE CODE:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    HERE COME DOTS

    SLOT MACHINES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    CASH LOST IN ME

    ANIMOSITY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    IS NO AMITY

    ELECTION RESULTS:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

    SNOOZE ALARMS:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

    A DECIMAL POINT:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    IM A DOT IN PLACE

    THE EARTHQUAKES:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    THAT QUEER SHAKE

    ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    TWELVE PLUS ONE

    AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

    MOTHER-IN-LAW:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    WOMAN HITLER

11/02/2007

Interpreter, please!

Real life signs, written by people in different countries struggling to make themselves in english.

  • In a remote Scottish harbour: “For sale boat single owner green in colour.”
  • At Budapest’s zoo: “Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”
  • In a Polish hotel: “As for the trout served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.”
  • In an Athens hotel: “If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager.”
  • A Rome laundry suggests: “Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”
  • Sign in a Norwegian lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”
  • An airline ticket office in Copenhagen reminds you: “We take your bags and send them in all directions.”
  • In a certain African hotel you may choose between: “A room with a view on the sea or the backside of the country.”
  • A sign on a clothing store in Brussels reads: “Come inside and have a fit.”
  • Notice posted on a Romanian hotel elevator: “The lift is being fixed for the next days. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.”